


The Way I Tend To Be

by Kyrarae115



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:26:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4759847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyrarae115/pseuds/Kyrarae115
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco is singing about the loves he feels for Jean Kirschtein, and Jean revisits loving memories of his husband</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way I Tend To Be

_Some mornings I pray for evening,_  
_For the day to be done._  
_Some summer days I hide away_  
_And wait for rain to come._  
_It turns out hell will not be found_  
_Within the fires below,_  
_But in making do and muddling through_  
_When you've nowhere else to go._

 

Just those very words echoing around the house, the life we had built together. My Marco's beautiful and enchanting voice, it filled up the hallways so beautifully and it was hard not to make myself known. I was stood outside the door of the lounge,  _our_ lounge, listening to my beautiful husband's voice. The way it just filled my heart with such an overwhelming sense of love and commitment.

it just.. it was so perfect in that moment. Marco not knowing I was listening to his singing, his exquisite piano playing and how his fingertips danced against each key in such a fluid motion it was almost like my husband was meant for playing this gorgeous instrument. He always kept to himself like this, whenever Marco was deep in thought and needed to get his emotions out using his musical abilities, it was the only thing that kept his PTSD in check. My husband.. the soldier.

 

_But then I remember you,_  
_And the way you shine like truth in all you do._  
_And if you remembered me,_  
_You could save me from the way I tend to be._  
_The way I tend to be_

 

As my lover sang I watched the pictures on the wall.. each and every one of our dearest memories painting a picture of our life together, the song just brought them to life.

The day we had our first puppy, Maggie her name is.. she was so small then our little angel.. well she wasn't exactly a little angel.

Marco had insisted we get a big dog, something we could enjoy because according to him anything he could drop kick over a fence was not a dog and I had to back out on the breed deciding because everything I picked was declared "too small".

So then we had Maggie a beautiful little Great Dane pup who was white with black spots smudged all over her, she was such a cute little puppy though caused quite a lot of mischief regarding Marco's piano legs, she had chewed and chewed the wood leaving it with teeth marks and splinters everywhere, however Marco ended up keeping it as it was and to this day my husband is playing the same piano and hasn't repaired it since Maggie's puppy days.

However that was when she was a few months old.. now she is three years of age and completely fully grown, she is much taller than me on her hind legs reaching six ft however I cannot fault Marco for his decision in getting her, she is by far the best decision Marco has ever made (besides getting down on one knee and proposing to me of course)

 

_Some days I wake up dazed my dear,_  
_And I don't know where I am._  
_I've been running now so long I'm scared_  
_I've forgotten how to stand._  
_And I stand alone in airport bars_  
_And gather thoughts to think:_  
_That if all I had was one long road_  
_It could drive a man to drink._

 

Another picture. Another Memory, Marco and I all cuddled up on this hammock a photo our beloved best friends Bertholdt and Reiner had taken, only the fire there to light us in a beautiful summer night's glow and it was the time we all went on holidays together, I suppressed a soft giggle at the thought of Marco being scared to get into the sea because Reiner had spoken tales of shark attacks and how people were lost to the currents everyday, meanwhile a mischievous Bertholdt was creeping up behind Marco and pushed him face first into the cool salty waters.

 

_But then I remember you,_  
_And the way you shine like truth in all you do._  
_And if you remembered me,_  
_You could save me from the way I tend to be._

 

I put a hand over my mouth, I couldn't let Marco hear me just yet nor notice my presence at all, though the memory was incredibly hilarious and the image of Marco sitting up absolutely drenched, his hair all sandy and a big ol' pout on his face was well worth the risk of being found out due to my stifled giggles.

Marco didn't talk to me for the rest of the day, he's a big baby when he wants to be my beautiful husband.. of course he wasn't my husband then, more my long term boyfriend. However it was that very night he proposed to me. He took me along the waters for a moonlight walk and he surprised me by getting down on one knee and presenting to me that ring, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life and.. it was given to me by the most beautiful man.

 

_'Cause I've said I love you so many times that the words kinda die in my mouth._  
_And I meant it each time with each beautiful woman but somehow it never works out._  
_But you stood apart in my calloused heart, and you taught me and here's what I learned:_  
_That love is about all the changes you make and not just three small words._

 

 

Some days I cannot believe I am surrounded by such beauty everyday, I wake up to the most wonderful man in the world and I think to myself 'How on god's earth am I this lucky?!' the hardships i've put my darling through, the pain we've experienced together and some days waking up and he's asleep on the couch because i'm too stubborn.

he stays with me despite everything i've done, I will do and I regret everything but what I do not regret is saying those words.. the ones that changed me and my angel forever because as soon as I said "I do" I was in deep, I had melted and falling into a never ending abyss of being in love with Marco Bodt. My heart is his, it belongs to no one but my beautiful man and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Of course people have their opinions. 'How can you be married to a man who has terrible nightmares, who flips out and some nights hides in your closet wailing to himself' and I tell them that Marco is the bravest most courageous men I have ever met, he needs me to hug him from behind and he needs me to sit with him in that goddamn closet and wipe his tears away because he can still hear that wretched gunfire and see men he trained with die.

I can be married to a man with everything he has been through because I promised and I said 'I do'

 

_And then I catch myself_  
_Catching your scent on someone else_  
_In a crowded space_  
_And it takes me somewhere I cannot quite place._

 

 

I had often dreamed of marrying the perfect man and I did.. Marco Bodt is my soulmate and that's how it will remain until the end of us as husbands. 

We have much more memories to create together, an adopted daughter on the way we have been accepted by one woman who wants us to be her daughter's parents when she is born, that is such an exciting adventure.. a child that will be ours, adopted or not.. we will love the baby unconditionally.

we've thought of many names however one we have been toying with the past 5 months is Amalie, at first I thought Marco would decline in a flash because for me it was an attempt to keep my french heritage alive, however he had really taken to the name and loved how it sounded with Kirschtein-Bodt.

A life we had so strongly protected and been through together, maybe our past lives were also this magnificent.. us always ending up together and living as happily as we were living right now but I tend not to fantasize too much over that, I find myself growing sad whenever I imagine us in a different time.. or a different place altogether as though.. we were stopped somehow, an evil force of nature holding us a part and then well.. I end up crying.. an overwhelming sadness and a feeling of total loss and I know not why. What I do know is that it always happens when I think of Marco and me not being able to be together like we are now.

 

 

 

  
_And then I remember you,_  
_And the way you shine like truth in all you do._  
_And if you remembered me,_  
_You could save me from the way I tend to be, the way I tend to be._  
_Way I tend to be._  
_The way I tend to be._

The music finally comes to an end and i'm left thinking about the man I am turning into and the man who has impacted so much onto my life for me to even be who I am right now.

I feel strong arms around my waist and soft breath on my neck as the man I had been reminiscing about hugs me from behind, it's always like this in our household and it will never end because.. well as the song so rightfully helps me express to the man I have been in love with for nearly 10 years.

I Jean Kirschtein-Bodt am saved from the way I tend to be.


End file.
